Shit I Learned - things you pick up on the way

"It’s hard to tell with fat people. They’re sort-of puffy and don’t have wrinkles"

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 08:09:42 +0100

“It’s hard to tell with fat people. They’re sort-of puffy and don’t have wrinkles”

- Louisa P, Prague, November 2012. I asked her how old she thought our barrel-chested barman might have been.

More ning-nongs…including yours truly. xx

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 17:33:54 +0200

More ning-nongs…including yours truly. xx

This is how we spent Sunday, in the bullring at Tarragona, near...

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 11:57:03 +0200

This is how we spent Sunday, in the bullring at Tarragona, near Barcelona, with 7000 lunatics building towers out of people. I am very sore today. Naturally, getting 80-90kg people trudging over your collarbone or head was never going to hurt, right? This particular tower assembled by our team, Vilafranca, had never been built and deconstructed in competition before.

If none of this makes any sense, here is a more complete vid of the last concourse held two years ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1HWyUIZ5kk

Did I mention that our mob won the whole thing yesterday? Muchos cerveza.

Doesn’t Kenny look stoked to get the top job at Port?...

Fri, 05 Oct 2012 11:38:07 +0200

Doesn’t Kenny look stoked to get the top job at Port? Don’t worry, mate, there’s some good news too…you have to have all your teeth removed and a third eye inserted in your forehead. You choose where.

"Every politician would like every voter to think that he had been born in a log cabin that he had..."

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 15:44:30 +0200

“Every politician would like every voter to think that he had been born in a log cabin that he had built himself.”

- Bill Clinton, National Democratic Convention, 2012.

The laxative effects of exercise such as hurdling. You should...

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 14:24:34 +0200

The laxative effects of exercise such as hurdling. You should have been in the crowd at the London 2012 Olympics. The long-jump pit was a minefield.

OK, all you AFL buffs. Did you know that it is 15 years to the day since...

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 14:15:28 +0200

…Garry ‘Whiskas’ Hocking took the field. Allright, so the first bit is bullshit - I have no idea how long ago it was, although I must be somewhere near it.

Buddha’s tie-in with the cat food company may have been a master-stroke of marketing and anointed him a genius ahead of his time…although watching any interview footage of him would suggest otherwise.

Anyway, got me thinking, what other AFL player promos would be a nice fit?

"Come ON"!!

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 12:59:59 +0200

Watching Lley-Lley playing at the Olympics. Amusing how different it is from Wimbledon. Crappy camera angles, ball boys and girls who look they were only told what to do at the beginning of the match.

Irishism of the day

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 09:14:52 +0200

Wandering along in Co. Down. ‘So, whereya from?’ says rotund Oirish ma’am. ‘New Zealand,’ replies mother-in-law. ‘OOOH,’ she says, excitedly, ‘oive got a cousin down there. Don’t ask me where he is. South Africa, oi think.’

Nom, nom…geeky goodness.

Wed, 30 May 2012 07:00:10 +0200

Nom, nom…geeky goodness.

You know how people start to look like their pets? Have these...

Tue, 22 May 2012 17:35:46 +0200

You know how people start to look like their pets?

Have these two been going to the same hairdresser?

It’s Blighty, alrighty! Stunning.

Fri, 18 May 2012 10:31:26 +0200

It’s Blighty, alrighty! Stunning.

When the UK let’s Spring through the door, it is hard to...

Fri, 18 May 2012 08:07:00 +0200

When the UK let’s Spring through the door, it is hard to beat.

Spam can improve your hearing

Tue, 15 May 2012 09:03:12 +0200

I got a very informative email today from someone I didn’t even know. Must be one of those good samaritan types. Anyway, it told me all about creams to increase the size of my member. Unfortunately, I misread it at first and thought it helped you to ‘remember’. Rubbed some behind my ears and now I look like Mickey Mouse. Can hear a pin drop in Swindon. For all the good it’s done, I should have shoved it down my pants.

flyingscotsman: (via B3ta) That doesn’t happen without...

Mon, 14 May 2012 21:29:11 +0200

flyingscotsman:

(via B3ta)

That doesn’t happen without generations of careful inbreeding.

Fooking gell

Tue, 08 May 2012 13:03:24 +0200

I have become the father of a teenager! Wooster, please bring me my zimmer-frame. And give the old cholostomy a bit of a rinse, willya?

David Cameron had a poster of Cheryl Tiegs on his wall as a youth.

Thu, 03 May 2012 11:09:11 +0200

Gordon Brown had a drawing of the Loch Ness monster in a bikini.

Tony Blair had an extra mirror.

John Major. Who?

Baroness Thatcher had cave paintings of Genghis Khan.

British Government declares worst drought since 1976...

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 07:16:33 +0200

Institutes a ‘hosepipe ban’ whereby any Doris caught watering their daffies loses a finger. If Brian is washing the car, it could be a testicle.

Result: it hasn’t stopped raining, pouring, sleeting, drizzling, teeming, showering ever since. Domestic pets falling from the sky.

Maybe we need to patch in the Middle-East about this lark. If they banned hand-watering, Saudi might look like the Amazon. And not just that website where you buy books.

Anyway, I am off to order 1800 cubitts of cedar. All you ‘creeping things’ line up in pairs, please.

Since the 'hose-pipe ban' in the UK

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 12:34:13 +0200

it has done nothing put p1ss with rain and hail. God knows what would happen if I opened the lid on the barbecue. Probably a blizzard.

Bunny question answered

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 20:29:00 +0200